I haven’t posted in awhile due to grandparent duties. This post has no serious content and is just a list of items from an acquaintance living in France. Some of these are familiar to me based on either spending a lot of business travel time in France or living in Belgium, which share some French proclivities. You may or may not be amused. Bonus points if you actually know what a Department is in France without looking it up.

You know you have been in France for a long time when…

• You are convinced that laws were invented to keep the police busy.

• You don’t see any reason to respect the law unless there is a police
  officer nearby.

• You order tripe sausage whenever you happen to be in Lyon.

• You actually enjoy going shopping for food, because it gives you the
  opportunity to chat with the merchants.

• You think it is perfectly OK to have a bottle of wine with your
  lunch in the middle of the week.

• You think showing up only half an hour late for a dinner party might
  be too early.

• You can no longer tell the difference between a public sidewalk and
  a dog toilet.

• You can no longer tell the difference between a lawn and a dog
  toilet.

• You think it’s normal to walk on the street because parked cars
  prevent you from using the sidewalk.

• You take the afternoon off to go to the post office.

• You know more than 10 different words derived from “shit”.

• You use more than 5 of them on a daily basis.

• You consider buying a new 100 EUR fountain pen.

• You actually prefer a fountain pen to a ball-point pen.

• You see a grammatically very complicated phrase, and consider using
  it the next time you write email to your friends.

• You consider cutting down a tree because it might one day grow so
  tall that there is a risk it might fall on your house.

• Pruned trees look normal to you.

• You think the non-smoking sign applies to a 50cm radius around it.

• You consider the possibility of serving sweetbreads to your foreign
  guests.

• You actually serve gizzard salad to your foreign guests.

• The fact that there is no parking place within 10m of the place you
  want to be is the fault of the government, so you invent one right
  there.

• Your arms automatically move when you talk.

• You know the gestures for things like “boring”, “fed up”, etc.

• You actually use those gestures regularly.

• You can’t imagine a meal without bread.

• You can’t imagine a meal without wine.

• You can’t imagine a meal without cheese.

• You understand the logic behind the department numbers.

• You can tell from the license plate of a car where it is from.

• You instinctively put the number of the department on your
  English-language CV.

• You know the difference between a “department” and a “territory”.

• You think area codes are for wimps.

• You think it’s normal that you can’t pay your bills on the Internet
  even in the 21st century.

• You accept “liver crisis” as a real disease.

• You think antibiotics might after all cure your cold, and in any
  case, it can’t hurt.

• You think it is normal for the pharmacy to carry homeopathic
  medications.

• You take the mushrooms you picked to the pharmacy to make sure they
  are not toxic.

• You think it is OK to discuss your medical problems with the staff
  and the other customers of the pharmacy.

• You regularly buy medication without prescription that legally
  requires one.

• You buy 90% alcohol at the pharmacy, but you wouldn’t consider
  drinking that disgusting stuff.

• You know which pharmacy in your neighborhood is open the following
  Sunday.

• You actually enjoy spending the first few days of your vacation
  parked on a motorway with all the others that left at the same time
  as you.

• You bring your pocket knife to the beach so that you can snack on
  the odd oyster lying around.

• You buy the ham even though the butcher sneezed in his hands before
  slicing it up.

• You think that it is normal for the butcher to sell wine.

• You think that it is normal for the baker to sell wine.

• You think that it is normal for the tobacco store to sell wine.

• You think that it is normal for the gas station to sell wine.

• You prefer the dubbed version of your favorite TV show.

• You decide to take a shower at the time of your favorite TV show,
  because you know it is going to be at least 10 minutes late.

• You are surprised when there hasn’t been any major strike for a few
  months.

• You buy the new-year calendar from your garbage collectors, to make
  sure your trash will be picked up next year.

• You buy the new-year calendar from the police and the fire
  department in case you might need their help during the next year.

• You like to listen to Johnny Halliday.

• Sour cream, gizzards, and duck liver all sound like perfectly
  ordinary pizza ingredients.

• You are longing for some mashed potatoes mixed with cod fish.

• You turn on the TV in order to watch the new-year speech by the
  president.

• You no longer react when the vegetarian salad you ordered has bacon
  pieces in it.

• It seems reasonable for a souvenir store to be closed for vacation
  during the tourist season.

• “nun’s farts”, “piss-in-bed salad”, and “goat’s turds” all sound
  like reasonable names for food.

As usual, feel free to disagree using this contact link. My world view is a hypothesis, not a belief.