I recently played a short music set at a venue and the host introduced me as “Pete”. Hey, I’m standing in front of a live microphone too. I called out that the “r” in “Peter” is not silent and then proceeded to play. Afterwards the sound person said that they appreciated my calling out the host on getting the name right, adding that the host kept forgetting their name. I talked to the host at the end of the evening to ensure no ruffled feathers on his side. He apologized, saying that they used the shortened version because all the other “Peters” they know go by “Pete”.

Thinking about it later, I realized that I don’t mind people forgetting my name by I do mind people looking at a piece of paper with my name on it and deliberately deciding to change my name. From my side, it feels like disrespect. At the same time, in this case I don’t think it was deliberate disrespect, it was the host changing my name to something he was more comfortable with.

I run into sales people shortening my name with some frequency. That really irritates me and I tell them immediately. In these situations, it is not just disregarding my name choice. They think that using a shortened form of my name will make things more informal and relaxed on my part, hoping to get a sale. What actually happens is I feel like they are invading my personal space (and I get the same feeling that many people get from the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard). The sale is not going to happen and the conversation is over.

I make the unsubstantiated assumption that people who have stated their preferred pronoun preference have similar reactions, so I do try to use preferred pronouns. I think it is simply a matter of basic respect for others.

As usual, feel free to disagree using this contact link. My world view is a hypothesis, not a belief.